ReadyBaby: Daniel and Jasmine's Journey to Parenthood
For some, the path to parenthood comes with unexpected twists. Here, Daniel Hu and Jasmine Tay open up about their infertility journey and how they turned it into one of hope and gratitude.
Deciding to start a family
A sense of emotional and professional stability led Daniel and Jasmine to try for a baby at 28. Committed to a fulfilling marriage, they felt ready to embrace the challenges and joys of parenthood.
"We knew in a way that wasn't loud or clear-cut," Daniel tells us. "It came from living side by side, setting up our first home abroad, and figuring out daily tasks together. Through those everyday moments, we realised, ‘Yes, we're ready’. Not perfectly prepared, but ready to face whatever parenting throws our way."
"At 28, it felt right," Jasmine says. "We wanted to bring a child into our world, to share our love and watch them discover their own. It was about adding another chair to our table, more laughter to our home, and new challenges to our lives – the kind we were ready for."
Jasmine, an educator, adds, "Every day, I see the spark in children's eyes when they learn something new. I want to be there for my child’s first word, first step, and even first tantrum. It's more than just teaching; it's about learning with my child and growing alongside them.”
Daniel and Jasmine grew up with three siblings in families where chaos and love coexist harmoniously. “Having siblings meant there was always someone to play with, argue with, and then make up with,” Daniel recalls fondly.
Silent struggle with infertility
However, their dreams of starting a family were met with an unexpected hurdle. "We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility and told to keep trying. We did that for two years, even exploring options like traditional Chinese medicine. It turned out my anti-müllerian hormone (AMH) levels had plummeted to levels typical for someone in their late 30s. I was only 32 then!” Jasmine recalls.
"We were lost, honestly," Daniel admits. "Everything seemed so uncertain, and the more we looked for answers, the more questions we had."
Navigating this maze without a map tested their determination. Amidst the uncertainty, they clung to each other while seeking further medical advice. "It tested us in ways we never expected," Jasmine reflects. "It brought us closer, but also showed us how hard we could cling to a dream."
It didn’t help that infertility can often be a difficult topic to discuss openly. Societal expectations and a lack of understanding can lead to hurtful comments and feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
“Seeing friends start families during our struggles heightened our negative emotions. While we were genuinely happy for them, constant exposure to pregnancy and baby talk magnified our own difficulties and deepened our sense of isolation," Jasmine says.
Sharing their infertility diagnosis with their families was another emotional hurdle. "We did, and it was tough," Jasmine admits. The families' well-intentioned but sometimes misguided attempts to offer advice highlighted the complexity of infertility – a challenge not easily remedied by simple reassurances.
Navigating hope and heartache
“After two years, we knew we needed more than just each other to lean on,” Daniel says. Their quest for answers led them to switch hospitals and seek out new doctors, marking a pivotal step forward in their IVF journey.
“A close friend introduced us to Dr Yeong Cheng Toh and Virtus Fertility Centre Singapore (VFCS). Dr Yeong’s receptiveness and ability to critically evaluate the research we brought to him, coupled with Virtus’ laboratory capabilities, reignited our hope,” Jasmine says.
But it was not without challenges. "Emotionally, navigating the highs and lows of each cycle was draining, with every setback feeling like a personal loss and a dream deferred. Physically, the toll of treatments, side effects from hormonal medications, and the stress of repeated procedures tested our resilience," Jasmine says.
Financial constraints also posed a significant obstacle. Limited government subsidies meant they had to rely heavily on their savings. Topping the challenges was a miscarriage at seven weeks. The excitement from a successful FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) was suddenly replaced by grief and heartache.
"We had allowed ourselves to embrace hope – perhaps too early – and begun planning for the arrival of our baby," the couple recalled. "However, it wasn't meant to be. The loss was devastating, as though the very foundation of our hope was pulled from beneath us."
After receiving clearance from their doctor, they decided to pursue another transfer. However, their hopes were dashed once again when it failed, and they found themselves without any embryos left from their first egg retrieval.
Realising the need to take a step back and heal, Daniel and Jasmine took a three-month break from IVF, finding comfort in the stories of others who had similar journeys. Despite these challenges, the couple decided to persist, driven by hope, faith, and unwavering support from each other.
"Each failed cycle, while heartbreaking, somehow reinforced our resolve. It was our shared dream of holding our child, of growing our family, that pushed us forward. We believed that love and science together could bring our dreams to fruition," Jasmine says.
Yes, baby!
Today, getting to watch their 2-year-old daughter Darra grow up has proven to Daniel and Jasmine that it was all worth it.
"Every milestone of Darra's, from her first steps to her first words, is a poignant reminder of the hurdles we've crossed to get here.” Jasmine beams. “These aren't just milestones in her life; they're significant markers in ours, too, signifying the route we've charted through love, perseverance, and the wonders of medical science."
Still, the challenges have not ceased. Darra's diagnosis of strabismus and subsequent surgery last November tested the family anew. “Yet, these experiences have only solidified our belief that we can face anything life presents, celebrating each victory and finding strength in our faith and each other to handle the rest,” she adds. “We hope that one day, when Darra learns of her story, she’ll find inspiration in it.”
Embracing parenthood
With IVF gaining greater awareness, Daniel and Jasmine decided to make their Instagram @husmarried. Jasmine explains, "We wanted to put a face to the struggle by literally showing our faces. By not staying anonymous, we want to show the world that infertility is nothing to hide, normalise the conversation, and create a community where openness and vulnerability are strengths, not weaknesses."
When asked about tips for couples starting or navigating the IVF journey, Daniel and Jasmine emphasise the importance of a strong partnership. “My husband's steadfast support was pivotal. He actively engaged in our journey, shared every burden, and took on multiple roles – pharmacist, researcher, chef – handling everything I couldn't. His commitment turned our journey into a true partnership," Jasmine says.
As for young couples contemplating parenthood, the advice is clear: communicate. "Talk about the good and the bad," Daniel advises. "It’s about knowing you’re in this together. Parenthood is a team sport, full of joyous chaos and quiet moments. And there’s no one I’d rather have on my team than my wife, Jasmine. Just take a leap of faith and go for it!"